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Things that have happened as of late

  • Well I ran that damn 10k.
  • I threw up at kilometer 7.
  • But I finished.
  • Marathon training is at half-steam until I figure out how I’m going to survive the Chilean winter because it’s cold on another level.
  • I’m thinking of selling blackmarket bakery goods.
  • that actually might be the name so don’t steal it because I’ll find you
  • and then I’ll do stuff.
  • I’ve bought a ticket to visit persons of interest in Memphisss
  • toss up between deciding if I am actually the girlfriend or if we are still just ”andando” howisawomansupposedtoknowthesethingsjesussss
  • Mili and are about to jailbreak outta this shithouse and get our own plaaaaace!!!!
  • this coming-winter mess is really disrupting my nude sleeping habits. 
  • work work work
  • I need to go to Valparaiso soon
  • I’ve been writing a novel and you guys had no idea, huh.
  • basically my life is a mystery, even unto me.

either way, we’re almost at the weekend so get ready to 

Even though I didn’t even get my number

and I told everyone I was canceling because fuck running 5k today, I changed my mind because I made myself feel super guilty and now I’m gonna go run this damn 5k ugh.

I drank too much last night this is ridiculous.

Period?  No big deal. Hangover? no big deal.  Cold as tits? no big deal.

nothing is more powerful than my own sense of self-loathing when I don’t do things I said I would do, so off I go.

So today was the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library, and it kind of got me nostalgic for the days back when we had a president who thought Rwanda was J.J.’s sister on “Good Times.” Presidents Carter, Bush 41, Clinton and Obama all praised the presidency of George W. Bush. So for once they were all bigger liars than he was.

Laura Bush, of course, spoke movingly of how kind her husband is to all the veterans who [were] wounded in Iraq, because of her husband. I love Laura Bush, by the way — only in America would a librarian marry an illiterate.

But the thing here to remember is George W. Bush kept us safe — from Bill Clinton’s surplus.

By now our conservative friends watching this are upset, saying, “Yeah, there you go, still blaming Bush.” And you know what, yeah, I still blame Bush for stuff Bush did. I still blame George Lucas for Jar Jar Binks, too.

And for the record, nobody’s actually blaming Bush. They’re blaming Bush policies. “Blaming Bush” implies he was actually in charge.

But in fairness, a lot of the financial troubles can be blamed on the Clinton years and the repeal of Glass–Steagall and NAFTA — I can finally criticize NAFTA around here.

So tonight I want to mention some of the positive things George W. Bush did. Because when you put aside having two wars off the books while cutting taxes for rich people, then leaving a mess behind in the world’s greatest financial dine-n-dash; ignoring warnings on bin Laden; reading “My Pet Goat” while his country was under attack because Cheney had things under control; never once balancing a budget…

When you can look beyond the little things, like opposing stem cell research; pulling out of the Kyoto Protocol; authorizing torture; calling torture “enhanced interrogation;” having the fewest press conferences of any president in history, but the most vacation (over three years of his eight-year term, on vacation)…

When you get over your petty liberal grievances about withdrawing America from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty; cocking up the Katrina disaster; “Heckuva job, Brownie;” cutting veterans’ health care by billions; cutting Pell Grant loans for students; shock and awe; making polluting corporations in charge of their own cleanup with no penalties if they didn’t; “free speech zones;” opposing expanded health care for National Guard families; wearing the flight suit…

If you can rise above your childish hang-ups over the Pat Tillman death cover-up; troops sent into battle with inadequate body armor; letting Baghdad be looted but having U.S. troops protect the oil ministry; warrantless wiretaps; only testifying before the 9/11 Commission if he could do it with Cheney sitting beside him and still refusing to testify under oath; trading Sammy Sosa; Cheney; Rove; Rummy; Wolfowitz; Yoo; billions dollars to Halliburton through no-bid crony contracts — that ain’t capitalism— not allowing fallen soldiers’ coffins to be photographed because it was bad PR…

Never attending a fallen soldier’s funeral; believing Iran and Iraq were part of an “axis” when they really hated each other; lying about mushroom clouds; stealing the election from you-know-who; acting like he had a mandate when he lost the popular vote (a real man would’ve said, “Count all the votes,” by the way); the deliberate outing of a CIA operative as political retribution for her husband telling the truth about Bush’s yellowcake uranium…

God, if Billy Joel were here he’d make this rhyme…

If we as a nation could get over Medicare Part D; encouraging attacks on our own soldiers by saying, “Bring it on;” over 4,400 dead soldiers; [up to] 100,000 dead Iraqis; announcing he didn’t care about finding bin Laden while families were still grieving; inventing pre-emptive war (it’s very Christian — “Forgive us our trespasses while we trespass against those we think will one day trespass against us”); giving our economy away to the banks; bailing out the banks who ripped us off; calling prisoners of war “enemy combatants” so we wouldn’t have to observe the Geneva Convention; losing 800,000 jobs per month by the time he left office; squandering worldwide goodwill; squandering a surplus; squandering lives and not being able to pronounce “nuclear”…

He was actually a pretty good guy. He tripled AIDS funding to Africa; raised the debt ceiling seven times — that was freedom debt — [was] right in saying regular baseball season interleague play diminished the power of the World Series; prosecuted the 20th 9/11 hijacker in criminal court…

But most importantly, Bush’s greatest achievement for which I will always personally thank him: He didn’t die in office.

So thank you, President Bush. And thanks to all your tax cuts for creating all those jobs. In Asia.

John Fugelsang: Listing George W. Bush’s good deeds… eventually (via current)

Truth.

(via geekvariety)

I don’t usually reblog a lot of stuff, but seriously this is too much truth to ignore.  For everyone who is ”kind of neutral” on him or approves of him, I’d like to hear them explain why he was a good president.  Seriously.

Forgiveness

Even just three or four years ago, I was such a mean person. 

I mean a really mean person.  If you gave me a reason, or if I found a reason on my own, to not like you, I was an immense bitch.  Let me clear by saying that I am, to this day, an immense bitch, but I feel like the way I see people that hurt me and the way I deal with them has generally changed.

The younger version of myself was prone to starting fistfights and arguments and generally being an insanely mean person to anyone on my shit list.  Again, allow me to clarify any confusion by saying that I can still be insanely mean to anyone that I feel deserves it.  I suppose what has really changed is the criteria I use to decide who deserves that treatment and who doesn’t.  

I mean some people really need to be brought down a level if they’re treating you like shit.  Other people maybe just need to be ignored.  Still others— and this category is the newest for me— others just need to be forgiven because they did something stupid that maybe was misguided, perhaps by strong emotions.  Maybe they intended to hurt you or maybe you were just a casualty of their stupid actions, but the end note of it all is that people do stupid shit and and they hurt others and whether or not it’s an accident doesn’t matter, because the reason behind all of it is that they’re an imperfect human being just like all the rest of us and they have a mountain of bullshit that’s happened in their lives, too, and chances are you haven’t even seen the tip of what has made them the way they are.

This post was maybe kind of pointless, but it runs exactly parallel to what I’m dealing with in my life right now.  

I can’t stop thinking

about all the terrible shit I’ve heard, read, or been told about running…

Like I legitimately got home from my run, finished stretching, put my chicken and potatoes on to cook, and went to google to ask the following pertinent questions:

  • Do people really poop themselves when they run?
  • Will my toenails fall off if I run a marathon?
  • What is the worst thing that could happen to your body during a marathon?
  • How long can you run with a full bladder?
  • How to not shit your pants in a marathon
  • How to keep your toenails
  • Where can I hide my keys while I run?
  • Snickers bar or m&ms?

Jesus Christ the sports world is a terrifying place.  I can remember where like being kicked straight in the face in Tae Kwon Do wasn’t even a big deal,because it’s not like you might accidentally shit your pants from it.  Really, the worst thing that ever happened to me, apart from actual injuries, was throwing up, and after my college years and brief stint of near functional alcoholism, I just want to make it clear that throwing up is really not such a terrible thing when you put it in perspective of shitting your pants in front of everyone or peeling off your toenails.

Medical, body-related things.. I don’t like them.

Advice for Females

I think it’s just..

This is necessary.

You are so very welcome, ladies.

The end.  It’s monday.  Help each other and stop looking at other women as competition.  There are like a million penises in the world that are attached to somewhat decent guys, you don’t have to fight over them or jockey for leading positions in the pretty-bitch race.  

Mondays

I don’t even know what time it is right now in Chile because I have a variety of clocks that say three different times— two of these conflicting clocks are on my cell phone.

It’s cold and I’m lost in space/time and really I just want to change my socks and eat some m&ms before class. I’m wearing boots and I put on below-the-ankle socks and that was a terrible choice because right now inside of my boots, only about 28% of my foot is covered in actual sock.

Mondayyyyyyyy

 

Let’s take a minute and just

appreciate all the smug ass dancing I’m going to do when I cross the finish line of my marathon.. The thing is that I don’t expect to win.  I don’t expect to do especially great.  But I expect to finish, which is something everyone has told me I’m not going to do.

I don’t care if my goddamn leg falls off afterwards, when I cross that finish line, I’ma hit that dougie

and then

with some

and then I’m going to make someone carry me home.

Running a Marathon

So I’m training to run a marathon.  The only other person that has been supportive of me is my other room mate who runs, Mili.  

My marathon isn’t until October 13th.  It’s not like I’m just lounging around the house eating donuts,either, I mean I’m actually training.

For right now, I’m running for about 30 minutes a day, 4 days a week, plus an extra workout aimed strictly at building other muscles 5 days a week.

I’m a fucking athlete..Like seriously, I still have all my Tae Kwon Do leg muscles, I have a six pack when I wake up in the morning (after I eat is another story but) and I walk everywhere here.  My biggest challenge is and will continue to be improving my cardiovascular endurance, but I’ve already seen improvement and I’ve been at this like two weeks.

It’s not like I’m saying this is going to be easy, because it’s not.  It’s going to be the hardest physical thing that I’ve ever done.. but people keep trying to tell me how hard it’s going to be and I’m just brushing them off because seriously the fact that I’ve already told everyone that I’m gonna do it means that I’m gonna get it done.  It’s funny, too, because everyone that’s told me that I can’t do it are, coincidentally, people who don’t run or do anything else athletic.

So in two more weeks I’m running a 5k.  In a month from now I’m running a 10 k.  After another month and a half, I have a pair of half marathons that I’m going to run between June and August.  Between August and September, I’m going to try for 35 km a few times just to prepare for the full 42.  Basically I’ve read everywhere that you never run close to a marathon to train for one— you ALMOST run one a few times and then when you get to your marathon, you rely on your determination and adrenaline and everything to push you the last 7 km that you’ve never run before.

Everyone’s just being a hater and I’m over here in my Everlast pants and my adidas shoes like 

I live in an apartment with 5 other people and a cat

and only one of those people has a penis (as far as I know).

H&M just arrived in Santiago like 3 weeks ago but we’ve been passing giant skyscrapers covered in ads for their clothes for like 4 months now.  We’ve all tried to go there and buy things and it’s basically like Jesus H. Christ the entire metropolis is in this store that has a distance cover-able by like 12 cartwheels… 

It’s been so bad that it almost became an urban legend for a while:

"I heard one girl stood in line for AN HOUR just to buy a dress"

"yeah, well that’s nothing.  I head a woman HAD HER BABY IN LINE AND IT WAS ONE MONTH OLD BY THE TIME SHE GOT TO THE FRONT TO PAY

so anyway, now it’s slightly more calm and all of us have made it to make at least one purchase (it’s insanely affordable compared to all the rest of the clothes here, and they sell my size shoe which is otherwise impossible to find here).

Living with so many women is fun because we all go shopping and then come home and basically put on a giant amateur fashion show, complete with comments and pairing suggestions.  It is great.

(*this didn’t, as far as I know, actually happen.)

image

I am eating so much food…

I’m going to start posting pictures of some of these meals… Like seriously…

It’s all relatively healthy-ish stuff, and  have definitely cut back on my meat intake here due to a few reasons— none of which have anything to do with me not liking the idea of eating animals.

I was eating a breakfast, two full-size lunches, a snack, and a dinner every day before I started marathon training………

Now I’m eating a bigger breakfast, three lunches, a bigger snack, and dinner.  Like seriously I take in calories for like two women.  But I’m only one.  I walk a lot here, I go up and down at least ten flights of stairs a day, if not more, and now I’m running every day and doing a secondary workout.. 

I see other women staring at me, like they hate me with all of their soul because I am fine as hell and am eating so much.  Then I just act like the food is like thirty times more delicious than it really is, because if you want to be a bitter bitch, I’ll help you out with that.

Things that have been happening..

  • I’ve been inactive on here for a bit
  • but now I’m back
  • to catch you up.
  • let’s gooooooooo:
  • I’m dating a new man from Argentina and he’s very wonderful.
  • I started saying “mercy”..
  • I’m training for a marathon.
  • I went to the driest desert in the world over Easter weekend.
  • I went to the beach like two more times.
  • my nephew turns one year old in one more day.
  • I have to go to Mendoza this weekend to maintain my legal-ish status.
  • I’m running a 10k race in May to benefit uterine cancer research, which is the type of cancer my mother beat (or rather, kicked the shit out of).
  • It’s getting cold in Chile and I live in a glorified metal box.

So that’s what’s up for right now.  I have a lot of blog entries queued so I hope you find something interesting among it all. Like this:

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